Recently, the clouds of sickness (or my boyfriend) punched me down with one of the worst stomach flu I have ever experienced in my 21 years of living.
At some points, I felt so sick that I couldn’t help but cry.
And in this time, I had missed days of this program that I was fighting to find reasons to stick with simply because I didn’t believe I was meant to commit myself to that particular profession.
Along with the combination of my nose shattering illness and a self doubt bar that somehow, every moment, had been filling up; I grew… depressed.
Not the kind of depressed you get over within 24 hours or less. No, the kind of depressed that it took everything in my body not to proceed with suicidal thoughts.
Take it from me, pondering on who you’re supposed to be in this life and where you’re lacking in skills makes the physical healing process slower than it should be.
So, for the past week or more, I have been rolling in bed fighting with myself.
Until, I woke up today and realized that there is a serious dilemma looming over every aspect of my life.
With that realization, I’ve decided to concoct a plan to mend myself back to health.
Maybe this can be a takeaway for you dedicated readers.
Now, it’s necessary to unleash the chaos of rising emotions that are swirling inside of you; I get that. Which is why I say to cry as much as you need to so you don’t cry anymore.
For the past couple of days, I found myself crying at some point of the day. Either a few drops or a whole pool, so big you can wash 5 cars in (yeah, the tears can get that bad). Whether it be crying or screaming into a pillow, it is imperative for you to be aware of the feeling, address it, and let it go.
Crying takes a lot of energy – energy that you will most definitely need if you plan on getting out of the hole.
Cry and stop.
What Do You Have Now?
Taking the time out to see my life as it is has helped me so far, for the past 45 minutes.
Really seeing the obligations and responsibilities I have, seeing how it affects my life.
And in conclusion, I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING.
Saying I don’t have anything is a huge under/overstatement. I do have a lot to life for but I don’t have a damn thing to lose.
I have 3 dollars to my name, oatmeal and some water. And some clothes, in which I would love for my wonderful mother to wash.
I even have the luxury of typing that statement about my mother.
I have nothing and everything to gain.
Understand That You Need To Understand You
If you understand that you need to understand you, the kind of person you are, your patterns, your likes, your dislikes, cuts a lot of fat out of the meat you’re about to cook.
For example, I don’t like being told how much I’m supposed to get paid, being alone doesn’t bother me, and I am good at giving people advice.
If you watch what you do, and how you react to things, it helps a lot in your life.
You find yourself within yourself.
Allow Yourself To Ignore People
You need to finish that article? Or you need to read that book? You need to finish that work assignment your boss gave you?
“Oh no, but she needs my help!” I’m sure that person can manage.
No one needs your help as much as you need it.
You’re in dire need of something that will benefit for you.
Ignoring others can be vital to your health. Don’t worry about what people think about you, they’re going to talk regardless; good or bad.
Take care of yourself first and then everything else comes after.
If you’re a parent, this is a tricky one; children are like chronic infections, something you can’t fight off. There’s no cure to those midgets. But, you can get around this:
— Set aside at least 20-30 minutes for yourself (more would be great!). It is important to your health that you don’t get swamped with their diapers and lose your mind in their Gerber food.
— Meditate for 5 minutes (if you can!) in the morning and in the evening or whenever you get quiet time with the little fellow; when they’re not crying their brains out. Meditation helps a tremendous amount.
Do Something You Enjoy
Whether it be drinking that smooth strawberry, kale, and banana smoothie or kicking back and browning up your teeth with chocolate; do it. You need to do something that makes you happy to kick start you back on track. When depression hits, it can plummet your head into the second layer of the earth so when you get that break, you need to seize it.
— Exercising can help, I haven’t exercised in 17 days and when my phone screamed at me with that information, I knew it was a green light to bring myself up. 10-20 minute workouts for 5 days can change a lot about how you look and how you feel about yourself.
— Reading and writing has always been therapeutic for me. Try starting a new book, a journal or a story. It will help exorcised the demons that’s been lingering.
— Go somewhere new. Going new places and seeing new things can give you a new refreshing look on life. It can help you realize that there’s much more out there than we imagine. This world is not boring, it just has a lot of boring people on it. Don’t be one of them.
You Have Yourself
Keep in mind that, you wake up to yourself everyday. You might be lonely but you’re never alone because when you look in the mirror to brush your teeth, you will always have a companion staring back at you; a companion that’ll never desert you. It’s easier to accept that you’re like your own child; irreplaceable and inseparable. Depression is an emotion that can be bent into something entirely different and positive once you respect that you have the hands to do it.
Just writing this blog, has really pulled my ass out of the muck and the mild; especially since I didn’t want to write. So, what are you going to do today?